TOP FIVE
Love is a Battlefield
Psychologist Sue Johnson offers advice on quelling lovers’ quarrels.
Look Deeper
“The trigger that spurs an argument is rarely the root of the problem,” Johnson says. “The real questions are almost always ‘Do I matter to you?’ ‘Do you respect me?’ and ‘Will you help when I need you?’ The next time you feel yourself getting swept up in proving a point, take a breath and try to hone in on the heart of the matter.”
Avoid Criticism
“Research tells us that our brain processes rejection from a loved one in the same way it processes physical pain. Criticism signals to your mate that he or she has lost your support and protection, and it should be avoided altogether if there is hope for reconciliation.”
Sue Johnson is the author of Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships.
Spirit, December 2013, p. 50
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